This Valentine’s Day, and every day, I invite you to give your body unconditional love, compassion, and acceptance. Self-love is the best love. But for women, self-love is often difficult to achieve. I hope this blog post positively shifts your body image, and enriches your self-confidence and self-worth.
My body image journey
Growing up, having a good body image, and loving myself was an uphill battle. I hit puberty earlier than my friends, and resented how my body shape was changing. I also was raised in a strict household that constantly demanded “body perfection,” and thinness. Thus, like many of us, I was conditioned to loathe myself unless I looked a certain way. This continued through high school and college, where my eating patterns became weird and unhealthy. This was mostly caused by feelings of deep loneliness, as I had a tough time fitting in, and making friends. I would regularly skip meals during my freshman year of college, because I didn’t want to eat alone in the dining halls.
This led me to lose weight from my already petite frame. I got so much praise for how I looked however, that I figured what I was doing was working. But, I still had poor body image, and was a sad and terrified young woman. It was only through many life-changing events, and growing into adulthood, that I healed my body image and social anxiety issues. I still consistently practice body kindness, gratitude, and confidence exercises, to reinforce an attitude of love and acceptance for my physique.
I feel lucky to have been able to nourish myself with regular, healthy meals and snacks since being an undergraduate decades ago. My experience, sadly, isn’t unique though. Many of my female friends, acquaintances, family members, and clients have shared similar stories about their long history of negative body image, and the lengths they have gone to achieve the “ideal body.”
I hold a loving and compassionate space during my sessions for the clients in my practice who seek to heal their relationship with food and their bodies. Together, we untangle the layers and years of body shaming and judgement, along with the disordered eating and behaviors that can be paired with it. We heal and replace it with body love, kindness, and gratitude. It isn’t easy or quick work, but it is the best kind of work. Witnessing the clients in my practice cultivate positive body image and health through self-love practices is terrific, and is why I do what I do.
Body image issues take up our time and energy
Women are constantly bombarded with media, images, and messaging on how we should look, and how we should feel about what we look like. We are supposed to appear a certain way, and stay that way throughout our lives. From young adulthood, through middle age, before and after child-bearing, and into our senior years too.
Our body image is closely tied to our self-worth. It was designed this way by our cultural programming. Because our culture is obsessed with picking apart, and judging women’s bodies against some made-up ideal body type, that is the overwhelming focus of much of what we consume. Magazine covers splashed with titles like, “She bounced back to her pre-pregnancy weight in only 10 weeks,” or “Discover this actress’s secret for staying slim,” are repeated hundreds of times over. These non-stop messages are bound to the thought that we somehow aren’t worthy if our bodies aren’t the “right” size, shape, or weight.
Exposure to body scrutiny and shaming exacts both a physical and mental toll. Many women go on to develop eating disorders, substance abuse disorders, mental health conditions, and the list goes on. Women can spend most of their lives both enduring and then recovering from body shaming and judgement. It’s possible for a lot of our life to revolve around this single focal point. It’s so wrong and infuriating that this is what we have to deal with as women.
Moms, important elected officials, elite athletes, or any woman for that matter, are not immune from this tyrannical body shaming and criticism. Mom body shaming is prevalent and awful. Women have the gift of creating another (or multiple at the same time!) human beings from scratch. Yet, instead of honoring and celebrating that miracle, they frequently get baby weight comments, or “better bounce back fast,” remarks. Instead of female working professionals getting respect and appreciation for what they do first, they are often evaluated for their looks initially before anything else.
The 2024 Paris Summer Olympics featured highs and lows in regards to commentary on women’s bodies. On one hand, various female athletes’ bodies were celebrated and lauded for “breaking the mold,” of having to look a particular way. Brave athlete influencers, like American rugby star Ilona Maher, proudly set out to prove once and for all that all female bodies are worthy and beautiful. However, gymnastics, a sport known for being critical of female bodies, failed in this area. World class gymnast and arguably the best to have done the sport, Simone Biles, was brutally judged for everything, from her muscle size to the way she styled her hair.
So where do women go from here? Change starts inside our own hearts and minds. In our own self-talk and self-care practices. The more we shift our time, energy, and attention back to caring for ourselves, we win. Let’s reclaim our power and energy back from toxic body shaming culture.
Yes, you can be healthy and happy at every size!
Health at Every Size (HAES) is the concept that you can pursue health, and be healthy, at various weights, shapes, and sizes. I am a HAES-Dietitian Practitioner, and believe that health encompasses a lot more than what someone looks like, or how much they weigh. I expand on this, and say that we can be happy and fulfilled at every weight, size, and shape. Try saying this sentence aloud as an affirmation, “I can be happy, and fulfilled at every weight, size, and shape.” How do you feel saying it?
Your body is wonderful and worthy simple because it exists
Existing is the only parameter for having good self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. That’s it. Your body doesn’t have to look, weigh, or be any sort of way to earn this. It is inherent because of your aliveness. I adapted this concept from my favorite Louise Hay affirmations, “I do not have to earn love. I am lovable because I exist.”
Practices for self-love and better body image
Write a body gratitude Valentine’s Day love letter to yourself
A lovely Valentine’s Day act for yourself is to write a gratitude letter to your body. List some things you really appreciate and love about it. Thank it for all of the amazing things it does for you. You can then read it aloud to yourself in front of a mirror to amplify its healing effects. It’s a marvelous gesture that can be done often to honor and give recognition to your loving, loyal, and hard-working body.
Self-care is self-love
Performing self-care activities like:
- getting enough sleep
- reducing and managing stress
- having kind and compassionate self-talk
- eating nutritious meals
- doing joyful exercise that feels good
- keeping up with medical and dental appointments
- taking medications and supplements consistently
- socializing with safe and supportive people
are ways to show our bodies that we love them. It doesn’t have to be complicated or elaborate either. It can be as mundane as making our bed each morning, or cooking a delicious, healthy meal. What matters is that we do them. Maybe you can do a 30-day self-love challenge, with different self-care activities each day.
Try mindfulness meditation, EFT Tapping, or daily affirmations
Mindfulness has been the most impactful habit that has helped me recover from traumas, and reconnect with my body. Our bodies are always operating in the present moment. If our hearts, brains, and other internal organs were to get unfocused or distracted, we would get hurt, or even pass away. Thus, taking some mindful breaths, and thanking our tireless bodies for working hard day in and day out, is therapeutic. Furthermore, doing various types of meditations, like body scans, or loving-kindness meditations, is very helpful as well.
I enjoy loving-kindness meditations, because it enables you to give love to all parts of yourself, even the harsh and critical ones. Those parts that judge and body shame, just want compassion and kindness too. Sharon Salzberg is one of my favorite loving-kindness meditation teachers, and here is a free 10-minute Youtube loving-kindness meditation that she has. Try awakening loving-kindness within yourself, and see what happens in your body image and confidence journey.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) involves tapping a sequence of acupressure points across the face and upper body, while describing the distress around events or traumas you may have experienced, so the emotional charge can be released. It assists you with processing painful emotions related to body image issues, body shaming, and internalized negative beliefs about your body. It can also reinforce new supportive beliefs about your body. It’s a great practice that can give immediate and lasting stress relief. I like Giulia Halkier‘s Youtube channel for combining EFT tapping with body image and body confidence work. She has with many useful EFT tapping videos on releasing body image issues, and cultivating body kindness, acceptance, and confidence.
I love reciting daily affirmations. It is easy and effective for rapidly changing your mindset. I have an awesome list of body kindness, acceptance, and confidence affirmations from my previous blog post linked here.
What life is unlived because of body dissatisfaction?
I spent many years in my youth, and some years as an adult, hiding in the background because I felt debilitating body shame and unworthiness. As a healed version of myself presently, I look back at the time lost, and all the wasted opportunities. Who could I have been now if I didn’t hold myself back, or if I didn’t believe all of those negative thoughts about my body and my self-worth? What life went unlived because I chose to bow out of many things due to low self-esteem and confidence? These are questions that plague me.
I want you to ask yourself these same questions right now. Are you holding yourself back from fully living because of your body image or lack of self-confidence? How could your life change if you loved and accepted yourself unconditionally? What would your life be like?
I leave you with some words from American Poet Mary Oliver,
“Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
